When Your Post-Grad Plans 'Get Lost in the Mail'

The past month has felt like the longest game of ‘Just Wait’. The closest thing I could compare it to is the feeling of waiting for the mail carrier to come with a package that was supposed to arrive yesterday. The waiting game gets stretched out to the point that everyone presumes the package is lost. So you email the business, you stop by the Post Office, and do everything you can to find any remnant of the package and its mail trail. The only thing they can tell you is to wait a little longer to see if anything shows up.

If I had the chance to tell you about my post-grad plans in the past few months, you might have a small idea of what I’m talking about. If not, let me take some time to give you the context!

During the last semester of college I applied to a handful of jobs, fellowships, etc. I was super excited about accepting a fellow position with the Quaker Voluntary Service at their Philadelphia location for the next year. The combination of spirituality, social justice, and intentional community in a service year appealed greatly to me!

Any-hoo. About a month ago, some things fell through with my site placement and I decided to open up to the possibility of working at a new site. And thus commenced the beginning of a seemingly LONG (only a month really haha) game of ‘Just Wait’. After many emails, phone calls, prayers, and even some frustrated tears—I felt like God was testing my faith in a weird, unexpected way.

If you didn’t know this about me, I really like to collect as much information as possible about the things I am participating in whether it be classes or programs in general. I have to admit, I do my due diligence in Facebook creeping on people’s profiles and looking up the specific details of whatever it may be on Google for hours. And yes, I had done all of this with QVS and my site placement, I was set! So to find out that I might not be going threw a huge wrench in my mental and physical preparations.

But the idea of leaving in the fall feels so familiar to me.

Pack up all of your most necessary items, drive/fly to a new place, and start investing in whatever community you are in. YUP, Sign me up!

In my case, this has looked like going to college in Minnesota, flying to rural Tuscany to live with seven other students, moving to Southern Oregon on top of a mountain with twenty-something young people to learn/read/climb mountains, moving into the Environmental Honor House my last semester of college with a bunch of cool women, and what I thought would be moving to a big city this fall!

In short, I am slowly learning how each short-term experience I have never matches my expectations. I went from having huge expectations, to learning not to compare, to having no expectations, and lastly it seems like God is teaching me the lesson of giving up control.

And so this story is getting longer than I intended. Hahahha. But there came a hard deadline of saying yes or saying no to going to Philadelphia without a site placement. In short, all of the potential ones were unable to support a fellow this year. I was supported in being sent to National Orientation in hopes that something would come up last minute, but I discerned that going would not be a good fit for me at the time. That was one of the hardest decisions I had to make! I am not keen on making those kinds of choices when I can genuinely see the good and bad in both.

Okay, fast-forward to me canceling my flight. Mourning the loss of a unique experience. Coming to terms with living at home with my parents. At first, I felt so good about my decision. The peace felt like it was from God, but I am slowly realizing it was a result of my desire to have control again and a clear outcome! And a day or two after the sadness and regret started to hit. I think I was realizing how much I truly did want to be a part of QVS. I wanted to help people! I wanted to challenge myself! I wanted to be a part of a diverse community in my house and in my city! I realized just how much fear was controlling me. It made me confront the fact that before all of this happened, I was so scared of leaving home and going to an unfamiliar place. Especially a city like Philly.

This is where things get interesting—I was about to do a work-out a few days ago, another slow morning at home. And then I got a call! Remember that lost package??? This felt like the lost package had been sighted and they might be able to bring it back to me! The phone call essentially was about a site placement I had interviewed with before (and one of the other fellows would be working there) and one which needed more help as soon as possible! I don’t want to go into all the details, but let me return to the package metaphor.

So imagine they are able to find the package, and as soon as it arrives to your house—you open it! Only to discover the beautifully hand-embroidered shirt you ordered is not in the bag. Instead, it is a sequined handbag. Equally as useful, new, and artfully designed! However, you have the choice to return the bag because it did not match your order or you can keep it. What do you do? You admire the artist and you want to support the person and their mission which uses their funds to support at-risk populations. What do you do!? The person would happily provide a refund or let you keep the bag.

Long story short, I decided to stay on board and metaphorically “keep the bag” with QVS! And guess what??? I leave in two days! I guess this is what happens when your post-grad plans get lost in the mail and end up looking way different than expected. See you soon, Philly!